Episode 2: The Manifestation

I never thought I’d ever utter these words, but my Dad has gone “boy-crazy”. Literally. Absolutely kookoo!

From devouring the Sunday newspaper, to dialing every number in the matrimonial section, to struggling with the interwebz and figuring out how to “Express Interest” and exchanging emails with “Prospects” and their families, it has been quite amusing watching him, I’ll admit! :P

Experiencing the interaction with a number of “Prospects” and their families myself, I can't help but draw a parallel with B2B Sales. Remember SPIN selling & SPANCO?

Well, to begin with, the two B’s in this transaction are clearly the 2 families in "Negotiation". The product are the innocent lambs to be sacrificed – the bride & the groom!

SPIN is very effectively tackled by the various media – online matrimonial sites, newspapers, pesky relatives, etc. Damn them!
There is a clear cut market for them - Situation exists; there is a gap of sorts in the demand and supply, hence the market exists - Problem exists; the purpose is the noblest of all - finding a "Soul mate" - Implication is defined; to close the gap between the demand and supply - the Need must be fulfilled!
Damn them again!

Once these “Agents of Change” successfully plant the notion in the mind of the parent of the unsuspecting candidate, it’s Do or Die! Hurrah!

Getting back to B2B Sales.
Like any sales process, the Suspecting and Prospecting is the dirty leg work done by the Donkeys – in this case, web sites, relatives, agencies, etc. etc.! (Rolls eyes for the 56^th millionth time. Very familiar with the insides of my head by now! ~brushes off imaginary speck of lint from shoulder with head held high~)

The Approaching and Negotiating is left to the parents and that is what contributes to most of the ridiculousness and hilarity! The awkwardness and the following forced interest can put Oscar winners to shame I tell you!

Sadly, Closure and Order closing doesn't happen for all. Like any other sales process, the success rate is really really abysmal. The lowest possible rate across all industry processes!

For matrimonial purposes, the success rate for these processes are as low as 1 in 348!

True story bro, true story!

More coming soon..!

Episode 1: The Symptoms

So let's start with the cause for this infliction: a stark lack of love life!
(Bah, humbug!)

"It all began one fine summer day, when my college sweetheart dumped me for that perky hot junior!"

That would make a great story, but sadly my life is not a "great story". It is a plain old regular, run-off-the-mill, so-boring-your-eyes-would-melt-into-nothingness kind of a lame-ass story. Well, it's true!
There there, you guys! Don't cry! I know you all are saying to yourselves "NOOOOOOO ya! We know you! You are so much fun! Your life is definitely not lame-ass!"

Aww! Thanks you guys!! Much love. But, sorry to disappoint you. You'll are kidding yourself and you don't even know it! Just like how Sacha Baron Cohen is so irresistible! Mmm hmm!! (You know it!)

But, I digress. Back to the topic.

So, I may be boring and all, but I do alright. I have non-virtual friends, a job I love, am close to family. and am genuinely a happy person!
But then again, these are not marriageable criterion, are they now?

From my learning and painstaking observations of the past one year, I can proudly say I know what it takes to be considered marriageable.
We'll get to that in just a moment.

So yeah, the symptoms.
You know how at a point in time, older relatives start goading you at family gatherings about how much fun they are going to have at your sacrifice, oops, I mean wedding. You've heard about it, and you know it's coming, but when it does, you're all like "But but but..I'm just a kid! Don't do this to me! What have I done to you?!?!" It. Is. Frightening.

Did I mention how much worse it is, when you are the eldest amongst all the cousins?! Oh Lord!

I know whose weddings deserve my sadistic best!

So yeah, the symptoms.
One fine day, as my Dad and I were catching up over a beer (Yes, it is very normal for me to sip/drink/gulp/chug alcoholic beverages with my father), I noticed him extremely uncomfortable.
As the alcohol kicked in, he gathered the courage to ask me to get my boyfriend home so that he could meet him. That was the last beer I drank with my Dad! That day.

That fateful beer changed the last one year for me.

26 has not been a good year for me - from writing my own news paper advert to making profiles for online matrimonial sites to what the next few posts shall explain in detail.
My life cannot sink any lower!

More to come..

Introduction

Boys and girls, let’s talk about this social condition, nay infliction, which we Indians must bear generation upon generation – Arranged Marriage! Such a strange sounding conundrum-y term it is.

Well anyway, we can debate over the English language some other time. The whole purpose of this blog is to enlighten those not in the know about the symptoms, manifestations, and side effects of this so called infliction.

For me, the symptoms starting showing in my family members about two years back, and the infliction manifested in everyone soon after the completion of my masters. The side effects however are being experienced singularly by me! Also, I checked, there exists no medication to make it any less painful. Tsk tsk!

Just an FYI, I’ve being experiencing serious discomfort for about a year now with no sign of improvement or progress. Doctors predict it to be life threatening. In certain difficult cases, patients have lost their minds as well! 

So let’s get started with the hilarity shall we?

PS: In case you are wondering where the "Leftover" came from, read this.